Pregnancy + Infant Loss Awareness Day

I loved this little cardboard house. I remember tucking away in there for hours pretending and imagining. I would read to my younger brother, turning the pages and holding the book the way my mother and my teachers did. I taught him the alphabet and how to count to ten. I would wear my mothers shoes and use a pointer I made from a kite stick.

I wanted to be a mother from as early as I can remember. To have the cozy house and family and husband. I always wanted two children, a boy and a girl. Now, all these years later, I’ve grown up and am beyond fortunate and grateful to have had a boy and a girl. To have been married and had the house and the husband. Though it wasn’t always sunshine-y. It wasn’t always what dreams were made of. Often it was a living nightmare, particularly when I lost my first pregnancy. No one told me that dream could be eclipsed by such penetrating darkness. No one warned me of how hard it was and would continue to be. How you never stop thinking about that baby on the due date every year.

Even though I went on to have two beautiful children who are my heart, I will never forget that first loss. How I slid into a very lonely place filled with hollowness, emptiness, and deep sadness. It kicked off three years of undiagnosed back-to-back postpartum depression that wrecked me. So to all the little girls out there dreaming of their future families and houses and partners, keep dreaming. And when you are old enough, ask the questions, do your research, and find a support system you can rely on. And to all the mamas out there who may be suffering, know you are not alone in that pain and help is available. Motherhood is a mission. A journey. And the highs and lows never stop. Just like our fierce love for our babies. No matter where or how old they are. For help visit @marchofdimes @rtzhope @postpartumsupportinternational 🧡

#pregnanylossawareness #ppdawareness #miscarriage #nationalpregnancyandlossawarenessday #advocate