Keep walking

Last February I was mugged at knife point half a block from home. It shook me in ways that I’ve never experienced (and I’ve had my fair share of sh*t happen to me in my little old 48 years). Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is the real deal. This is my third rodeo with this little effer and it was by no means any easier. In New York City we walk. We walk everywhere. And when you live in a neighborhood that feels like home, those walks are super sweet. I’m a walker. I’m also a New Yorker. I’ve been missing those parts of me for this past year plus because I’ve been too scared to walk outside alone, especially at night and in parks. In the inevitable treadmill of life my triumphant return to city walking has been curbed and I’ve focused on other things.

Today is a gorgeous day and I was desperate for a walk in the park. So I pushed against every little critic and fear monger in my head and I did it. I went out and I walked. Around and around and around. Up and down and around again. I saw a biker with a head of broccoli in her baby carrier and a man with a baby on his bike carrier. I saw lots of happy dogs but not one squirrel. I saw people doing yoga in the park and leaves that looked like brushstrokes. And I saw myself. Finally. There she was. Confident, sassy, introspective, walking. The breezes and dog sightings were perfectly timed to remind me of the glorious gifts all around us.

I am fortunate to have a lot of mental health professionals in my life to help steer me along the healing path. Yet, even with the help of mental health professionals, PTSD can be a b*tch to get past. If you need help (for whatever reason), seek it. There is no shame in asking for help. No shame. And nothing to lose. More people are struggling than they care to admit. You’re not alone. And you shouldn’t have to struggle alone. Sometimes what feels the most isolating is actually the most universal experience. Chances are there’s someone out there who will get exactly how you feel and if they don’t, they will likely be more than happy to be there with you and listen. If you can’t find that person, message me. I’m always up for a walking buddy.